So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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