Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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