In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
