i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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