So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
