Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
