I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The air taste purple.
Randomize
