I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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