went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
