I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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