Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
