i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
