i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
