In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
