he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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