i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
