You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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