dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Alive.
So much puke
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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