i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just invented taco cereal.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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