$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She bit a glass in half.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
