your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
