so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
