we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
