She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
