I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
