come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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