Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
