True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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