Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My hand turned me down
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
