My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Randomize
