Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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