I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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