my vag is so smooth its legendary
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
