One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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