Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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