For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
