I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
