you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
