I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
