Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
