i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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