Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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