What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
