if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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