This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
