cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
