I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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