he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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