he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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