and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
