I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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