Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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