I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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