i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize