You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
