Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
