we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
