i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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