Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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