Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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