Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
