Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
